It takes all kinds.

Let's talk about passengers, shall we? 

 

 

 

There are a few distinct types of people I regularly see in the airports who I feel deserve mention. 

 

The "comfortable" traveler.

 

This one is amusing and nauseating at the same time.  This is the one who looks like they rolled out of bed, scratched their ass then went right to the airport.  These are usually the girls wearing sleepwear (this is ok if for children, questionable at best for adults), sweatpants with some ridiculous advertising across the butt, or even worse - wearing tights as pants.  There is NOT enough brain bleach in the world to erase of the ass and crotch I've seen over the last couple of years.  Ladies, I don't need to see your naughty bits as I am trapped behind you on the escalator and certainly not before the sun comes up.  STOP IT.  Really.

 

 

If you aren't sure if you are wearing pants or not, please reference the chart below.

 

 

 

Please let me be clear, I am no fashion model.  Most of the time I am in business casual wear or jeans and a t-shirt.  Not runway worthy but I won't traumatize anyone either.

 

Second to that would be the crop dusters.  I am still not sure if they are really comfortable or really nervous - they just break wind all over the place.  Normally, I think this is hysterical.  There is nothing like seeing someone's reaction to a good old fashioned fart,  that is until you are standing behind said crop duster in a jet way in the dead heat of summer and YOU are the one choking on the fumes.  Well played farty guy, well played.

 

 

 

The first timer.

 

Ahhh the first timer.  This is the one who will ask TSA what they need to remove and still forget to empty their pockets, neglect to take the laptop out of the bag or carry open top shopping bags as luggage.  They will sit next to you at the gate or on the plane and despite the fact you may have in headphones or be reading they will strike up a conversation and tell you their entire life story before you even get off the ground.  This is not necessarily a bad thing, I have met some really amazing people this way.  If I have helped keep someone calm just by listening to their story, so be it.

 

 

The self important douche bag.

 

Gah.  I see this one much more than I care to.  You know the guy, bum rushes the gate before the previous flight even finishes deplaning so he's sure to get on before anyone else, is rude to the gate agent if he can't get a business class upgrade and barks on his phone so we can all hear him and recognize how "important" or "powerful" he is.  I don't care what you status is - you need to be kind and respectful to the airline teams and shouldn't be rude to fellow passengers.  I mean really, does that really help you get anywhere?  I cannot even count lately how many times I have seen flight attendants tell passengers not just to turn their phones OFF but to hang up the call they felt they HAD to take as we are on the runway in line for take off.  REALLY??  Oh, I'm sorry, are you Alec Baldwin or the President or something?  I couldn't tell by your appearance that you were so super important you could risk the safety of us regular folk.  I have one thing to say to these jackwagons.

 

 

 

 

Atlanta to Orlando

This week I am on a very familiar route, Atlanta to Orlando.  For almost 2 years I had to make this trip every other week. Here are some thoughts on both.

 

 Atlanta

 

Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport (ATL) is kind of my home base, so I do not completely understand when I hear people say that they hate this airport.  I don't really get "why".  It's huge, there are people everywhere and at times, construction may add to the confusion - but it's a nice airport, there are plenty of food choices (new healthy choices and your traditional grab-n-go fare and recently the Varsity, a true Atlanta favorite, was added in Concourse C), adequate signage to get around, plenty of restrooms and I do love the art and history in each concourse and in the pedestrian paths underground. 

 

There are some downsides, of course.  The "plane train" only has an entry and exit door on one side of the train so at times you could feel like a salmon swimming upstream - and when the doors are closing make sure you and your baggage are not in the way, the doors will still close.  Most of the stores and concessions are only open 6am-10pm local time, seems strange to me with this being the world's busiest airport.

 

I am from Atlanta, so of course I have nothing but great things to say about food and entertainment in this city.  Traffic sucks and can be intimidating if you aren't from here, but it's managable.  If you are in town for a few days, check out the Creative Loafing (http://clatl.com/) to find an event or activity to tickle your fancy.

 

 

Orlando

 

Orlando International Airport (MCO) is a place I see more than I would like, but it's not terrible as far as airports go.  It's smaller than Atlanta, easy to navigate and I love their train - doors open on one side of the train to let passengers out then the doors on the opposite side open to let passengers in.  Very efficient!  There are healthy food choices here, but a lot of kid friendly options as well.  Now the downside.  There are not enough restrooms for the traffic in this place, the lines for restrooms are always long and you will likely run out of toilet paper or paper towels.  There's a smell there, I am going to guess from the sulfur in the water.  Be on good behavior, you might have to ask your stall neighbor to spare a square.

 

 

If you are in town on business or maybe tired of the Disneyworld scene, there are a few places I would recommend.  I am completely in LOVE with the Ravenous Pig in Winter Park http://www.theravenouspig.com/  I have never had anything bad there, great atmosphere and the staff are fabulous.

 

If you want to stick to the downtown area I am a big fan of Wall St plaza (http://wallstplaza.net/).  There are a few venues all within walking distance to Lake Eola Park where there are shops and usually on the weekends some kind of events going on.

 

I absolutely love Fischer Park down at Cocoa beach to break away and get some "me" time.  Sure, there are plenty of beaches here but I am a fan of Fischer Park because for a $5 parking fee, you get decent parking, a bathroom that's fairly well maintained, a shower and lifeguards. 

http://www.cocoabeach.com/beachinfo.html

 

Be very careful driving around Orlando/Central Florida - I have literally seen vehicles stop on I-4 and back up to a missed exit.  If someone is driving straight and their left turn signal is on, they are probably going to turn right at the last second.  Just back off and give them space.  It's not their fault, they can't be expected to pay attention to the road with all that texting and facebook updating.

 

 

 

 

 

Germs and delays.

Germs.

 

When I began this journey I was horrified at what I would see people touch or do on a regular basis.  I got over that rather quickly on one of my first trips when I sat next to a man in scrubs (he wasn't a doctor) who had a hacking cough on a flight from New Orleans to Atlanta.  At not even 20k feet the man turns to me and confesses his doctor was concerned he could have pertussis, but this trip had been planned for months and he wasn't going to miss it.  Fantastic.  Trapped in a tube hurdling through the air and I can't escape.

 

 

 

 

Short of showing up at the airport wearing a full hazmat or bubble boy suit, I needed to find a way to psych myself out of the germ thing.  That's where my "sanity placebo" comes in.  I never go on a trip now without some form of Airborne and hand sanitizer.  Thanks to a pilot friend, I've recently discovered I love the chewable form of Airborne - tasty and I don't need water.

 

 

 

 

Now, I'm no Dr. Sheldon Cooper using hand sanitizer or spray every 5 seconds, but if I get particularly skeeved out (airport bathroom stalls) I have no problem using it.

 

 

 

Besides, clean hands and a boost of vitamin C never hurt anyone. 

 

 

Delays.

 

We have all been delayed for one reason or another; weather, maintenance, crew swap, computer issues - take your pick, it happens.  I've never quite understood why people get so angry and ugly with the airline representatives like they are the ones controlling these things.  It's a huge waste of energy and it's just plain rude.  Call me crazy, but you might not want to aggravate the person who has the power to move you to a middle seat in the back of the plane. 

 

That being said, I have learned that I get a bit cranky when I get hungry which happens sometimes with delayed flights.  Knowing this, I carry a small stash of snacks in my bag and I try to keep an empty water bottle to refill if I am stuck in an airport before or after stores open.  Emerald 100 Calorie packs of mixed nuts and turkey jerky have been a savior on more than one occasion, satisfying without the crash I'd get with a candy bar.  I also carry a pack of oatmeal and a pack or two of tea - both can  be prepared on a plane with a cup of hot water and I feel a little more balanced when I get where I am going.

 

 

I am not a health nut by any means, but I do try to make healthier choices with what I carry in my bag when possible.

 

Anyway, eat something, take a deep breath and take a look around.  There's plenty of good people watching at every airport in the world.  Whatever you were going to will still be there when you finally get there, so just relax.

 

 

So remember, people can be gross and follow the "sharing is caring" school of thought with germs and please, eat something and take a deep breath before you get upset about a delayed flight.